We believe that an active and healthy sex life, based on mutual consent and respect between partners, is an important component of physical and mental well-being. We also respect that sex is a private matter, and that each person has a different opinion of what sexual practices or levels of discourse are appropriate. Rodale Press is committed to offering responsible, practical advice about sexual matters, supported by accredited professionals and legitimate scientific research. Our goal-regarding sex and all other topics-is to publish information that empowers people’s lives.
Becoming a Master
When it comes to the male ego regarding sexual expertise, we all hope to hear our names attached to some sort of proper tide of prowess: Earl of Eroticism, Duke of Desire, Lord of the Laying Lambada. (Or maybe just to hear our women refer to us as studs would be nice.) Problem is, having a tide of sexual distinction is not a natural born right. To become a master of anything, you have to learn the art, study the science. By putting your knowledge together with real-life practice, you gain invaluable experience. This is what the maestros of movement, the Don Juans of our day, know to be true.
So here is how we envision you earning your master’s degree. First, you need to prime your body for optimum performance. Sure, it’s important to stay fit and eat healthy; you know that already. That’s why, in the first section of this guide, we give you a few more applicable pointers from the sex exercise and nutrition experts we consulted. Now, when we call this section “Basics, ” we’re not talking about high school sex ed class – no, this is definitely the graduate level course. But just like any elite athlete, you need to physically prepare yourself for the performance prior to focusing on technique.
Next, we offer advanced classes in the art of seduction. To be an unforgettable lover, you need to know where and how to touch her to get her panting for you. In this section you’ll learn how to improve your foreplay approach, know for certain how to hit the right spots every time, and romance her with sensual massage.
Finally, to be the best lover she’s ever had, you have to know the rules of lovemaking, the hottest positions, and how to deliver a kiss that makes her knees buckle. So becoming a sex expert is about discovering the secrets to mutual, complete satisfaction. It’s easier than you think-in fact, it’s unbelievably easy – and a heck of a lot more fun than, say, inorganic chemistry. Now all you have to do to become a master in your own right is study this manual in preparation for one delightful test after the next. Happy learning!
Training Your Love Muscles
You already know that with a regular workout routine you can become trim and toned in no time. This is the first step toward actually getting sex. (A nice car and a powerful deodorant help, too.) When you keep your body in shape, your energy is up, as is your libido. Now it’s time for some “love muscle” training.
Unless you know some sexual positions the rest of us haven’t heard of, bulging neck muscles aren’t going to make a whole world of difference between the sheets. You need to add some exercises and stretches that target the parts of the body called into play during lovemaking. The following moves will help boost your performance when the time is right.
Cramp-Proof Calves
For your legs, the issue is flexibility, not
To get
strength. During orgasm, men sometimes overflex
through an
their calf muscles. “Didn’t you ever get a knot in
evening-long
one of your calves during sex?” asks Eric Gron
lovemaking
bech, Ph.D., a professor of physical education at
session, what
Chicago State University, who studies the link
you need first
between fitness and libido. Either of the following
and foremost
two stretches will help.
is stamina.
Classic runner’s stretch. Stand about 4 feet from a wall. Shift one leg forward about 8 inches, bending it at the knee, while keeping the back leg straight. Now reach out and rest your hands against the wall at about chest height, leaning into it as you keep your back leg straight, heel flat on the floor. As you lean forward, you should feel the stretch in your back leg, from your heel to the back of your knee. Hold the position for a count of 20, then relax, switch legs, and repeat.
Bedtime calf stretch. Lie flat on your back on the bed with one leg bent, foot flat against the mattress. Straighten the opposite leg and raise it as far as you can until it’s pointing at the ceiling. Hold the leg steady and exhale as you slowly flex your foot, aiming your toes down toward your chest. Hold the stretch, relax, then lower your leg and repeat with the other one. Complete this stretch three times.
High-Performance Hips and Groin
Don’t forget to hit below the belt. As the key Sex can be pivot point in the thrusting motion, your hip joint and hard the muscles that support it must remain flexible. work. It
Butterfly stretch. To loosen the groin, lie flat
feels better
on your back in bed with both legs bent, feet flat on the
than
mattress. Reach down and pull your heels toward your
busting up
buttocks. Now, using your hands to guide them, turn
concrete,
your ankles so the soles and heels of your feet touch
but your
together. Your knees will angle out to the sides.
back mus-
Exhale. Let the natural weight of your legs push your
cles don’t
knees toward the bed. When your knees are as far apart
know the
as possible, hold the stretch for a count of 10.
difference.
Hip stretch. Lie flat on your back with your legs dangling off the end of the bed. Pull one knee toward your chest, locking your hands over your upper shin. Inhale and pull the knee closer. Hold the stretch for a count of 10, relax, and repeat with your other leg. Complete this exercise three times.
Ship-Shape Shoulders
Most people associate shoulder injuries with such activities as hurling baseballs and breaking down doors. But sex takes its toll. “Especially in the missionary position, when the man tries to support his weight on his elbows, ” says Dr. Gronbech. “All that stress ends up in the shoulders.”
Shoulder stretch. Sit up in bed, hold your arms above your head, and cross your wrists. While inhaling, straighten your arms and extend them behind your head as far as you can, still keeping your wrists crossed. Your elbows should be behind your ears. Hold the stretch for a count of 10, then relax. Repeat three times.
Back Bracers
“It’s not uncommon for men to get severe muscle spasms during sex, ” says Mitch Bogdanffy, exercise physiologist at the Texas Back Institute in Plano. Sex can be hard work. It feels better than busting up concrete, but your back muscles don’t know the difference. Sex related backaches are especially common when you’re near climax, the point of maximum muscle tension.
Bogdanffy recommends a hot bath or shower before sex to increase bloodflow to your lower back. Although not exactly conducive to spontaneous sex, doing a few stretches before you get into bed (or wherever) might help.
Back stretch. Lie on your back and slowly bring your knees to your chest. Grab your knees and hold them against your chest for a few breaths, relaxing throughout the movement.
One garden-variety type of back pain occurs when the disks between your vertebrae are squashed from the everyday stresses and strains your body is putting on them. The disks can expand and touch nerve endings, resulting in a backache. What to do: Elevate your legs for 10 to 15 minutes. Try lying down on the floor with your feet propped up on the seat of a chair. This position will take the pressure off the sciatic nerve and relax those hot twinges of minor backache.
Remember, the woman-on-top and side-to-side sexual positions are your best bets for having sex without suffering.
Brave Heart
To get through an evening-long lovemaking session, what you need first and foremost is stamina. Unlike in most full-contact sports, you can’t call timeout during lovemaking while the team trainer administers oxygen. To build endurance, your best bet is low-impact aerobic exercise. Go for three sessions a week of 20 to 30 minutes each. Swimming, stair-climbing, rowing, and running are all fine options.
In addition to building stamina, there’s another benefit to aerobic exercise: A growing body of research indicates that several different forms of intense aerobic exercise may powerfully enhance a man’s sex drive. In a study out of the University of California in San Diego, a group of healthy but inactive middle-aged men undertook a nine-month exercise program. They worked into it gradually, but by the sixth month the men were doing sustained aerobic exercise (pushing their hearts up to 75 to 80 percent of their maximum aerobic capacity) for a full hour at least three times a week. For comparison, another group of men walked at a moderate pace instead of adopting the more intense exercise.
According to detailed diaries kept by the men in both groups, those in the intense-exercise group reported a 30 percent increase in their frequency of intercourse, a 26 percent increase in the frequency of orgasms, and a 50 percent increase in the frequency of masturbation.
One note of caution: If cycling’s your choice for an aerobic workout, keep in mind that it could affect your equipment. Too much cycling can compress the nerves under the penis, called the pudendal nerves. The result can be numbness, and repeated episodes can lead to reduced sensation and, in extreme cases, impotence.
Solving the problem may be as simple as adjusting the position of your seat. For example, if you cycle with the tip of your seat pointing upward, change it so it’s exactly level for a while (or at no more than a 5-degree incline). Also make sure your seat itself isn’t set too high. A wider saddle may help. Or ask your local bike shop about anatomical saddles or some form of extra cushioning.
IS SHE REALLY INTERESTED?
Before you get to foreplay, you’ve got to know if you’re even on the playing field with your subject of interest. Do you make the move, or drop back 8 yards and punt? Here are some tips to help you decipher her signals.
Eye contact. It’s generally a good sign if a woman actually looks at you when she speaks-much better than if she stares unblinkingly at her fingernails or her shoes and mumbles. Two people conversing look at each other about 60 percent of the time, according to Michael Argyle in his book Bodily Communication. So if you catch her looking at you more than that 60 percent of the time, chances are she’s more interested in you than in what you’re saying.
Smiling. A broad smile is a sign of real enjoyment. But be on the lookout for a smile that shows only the upper teeth. It’s a polite smile-or one that shows a woman is uncomfortable.
Movement. A woman who shifts her body around as she speaks to you may be sending a message. “Movement attracts attention, ” says Colleen, a 35-yearold legislative assistant. “If I’m adjusting my posture, it means I’m attracted.” She might, she says, “even roll [her] hips a little” if she’s talking to you.
Leaning toward you. Leaning in, tilting her head to one side, speaking in a softer voice-these all may indicate interest.
Giggling. Laughing in a charming, feminine way is a positive. On the other hand, if she lets out a guffaw, it probably means she just wants to be considered one of the guys.
Flushed face. That’s a good sign, because your bloodflow increases when you’re attracted to someone. “Her pupils may dilate, too, ” says Judee Burgoon, Ph.D., professor of communication at the University of Arizona in Tucson. But, she cautions, pupils also dilate when you’re hungry, so make sure she’s thinking beefcake, not hamburger.
Touching you. Julius Fast, author of Body Language, says women sometimes touch men during conversation. Laying a hand on a shoulder or forearm, or playing with a tie-both are flirtatious signs of interest.
Touching herself. If she’s flipping her hair, fixing her clothes, playing with jewelry-those are all positive signs. “She may affect a gesture in which one hand touches her breast in a near caress. She may stroke her thighs as she talks, ” says Fast. That’s the basic lexicon of body talk.
You Are What You Eat (or Drink …)
A healthy diet goes hand in hand with regular exercise to help ensure that when you’re ready, you’ll get optimum performance from all your parts. Avoid big-time fat and cholesterol (as in egg yolks). Anything that will, over time, clog up the plumbing of life will clog up the plumbing of love. If circulation is hampered by fat deposits in your blood vessels, your penis won’t get as much blood, either, and you could have erection or sensation problems. Following are a few more performance basics to keep in mind.
Go ahead and enjoy your coffee. Over the years a vast array of studies have explored the connection between caffeine, sex, and reproduction. Researchers have looked into whether caffeine causes birth defects or increases the risk of breast cancer. And for the most part, your steaming cup of java has been cleared of reproductive wrongdoing, as long as you drink only a cup or two.
But what about sexual performance? Another group of studies has shown that caffeine can deliver a performance-boosting jolt to sperm cells, increasing both their velocity (speed) and motility (liveliness). But don’t imagine that Folger’s Mountain Grown will become the next fertility drug-in these studies, massive amounts of caffeine were applied directly to semen samples wriggling in Petri dishes. Practically speaking, the only value of this finding is to suggest a way of improving the chances of in vitro fertilization.
Go easy on the booze. Alcohol has its sexual ups and downs, most of them downs. For one, it’s the greatest performance-squelcher of all. After two, maybe three glasses of wine, your skill curve begins to plummet like a mud hen hit by a Sidewinder. A general rule of thumb is that the a-mount of alcohol it takes to affect your driving (for an average-size man, anything more than two drinks in an hour) will also affect your libido. On the other hand, one glass of champagne by candlelight, with some moody piano concerto in the background, could mist her eyes with passion, and she may end up racing you to the bedroom. The tiny bubbles can work magic, but remember, you don’t want to be anesthetized for sex.
Lighten up on heavy meals. Big pre-thang meals can affect you in much the same way that alcohol does. For one thing, they make you sleepy. But you could run into worse trouble. The North African classic The Perfumed Garden warns that “coitus after a full meal may occasion rupture of the intestines.” Don’t know about you, but we hate when that happens. Although there appears to be no scientific basis for this warning, we tend to follow this advice.
Trust us, you don’t want the seven-course feast or the prime rib with potatoes and gravy before the planned night of passion. You’ll be nodding off just as all her senses are waking up. Besides, routine large meals not only mess up your short-term plans for passion, they almost certainly guarantee that you’ll have love handles the size of soccer balls.
Follow your nose. Now, just to contradict ourselves, you might want to stop by the bakery before your steamy evening of love. Why? The human nose works in mysterious ways when it comes to sex. It’s not perfume, coconut suntan oil, or musk that turns men on; it’s plain, old, innocent (until now) cinnamon buns.
Neurologists at the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago measured penile bloodflow in medical students and found that only the fragrance of cinnamon buns seemed to turn the men on. But remember, don’t go eating a half dozen, even if they are still warm, because you’ll just take a nose dive for the pillow as the blood in your body rushes to your stomach to help digest all those buns. Sure, the fragrance is delicious (and sensual), but if you must, eat just one. Or even better, eat only half of one.
Put out the light. If you really want more chances at puffing in the bedroom, stop puffing on that cigarette. Cigarette smoking accelerates the formation of blockages in the heart’s arteries, and there’s every reason to believe that it does the same to the vessels that supply blood to the penis. In fact, smoking is now considered a major factor in erectile dysfunction, with the first signs of harm appearing by age
40. Besides leading to plaque buildup along artery walls, nicotine in tobacco is also a blood vessel constrictor. That means each puff makes it more difficult for blood to get to the penis when it’s stimulated. This doesn’t help you to stand up before going down.
Hit the sack, literally. You don’t want to be sinking before you ever set sail. And since fatigue is one of the biggest roadblocks to good sex, it’s important that you make sure you’re getting the sleep you need. Adequate rest goes hand in hand with good diet and exercise to keep that fine sexual tool, your body, functioning at its peak.
It’s easy to fall into the routine of having sex just before falling asleep at night, but for many people that’s the worst possible time. Your love life gets what little energy is left after the day is done, and sometimes there’s almost nothing left. If you think about it, among all the priorities in your life, do you really think love should be last in line? Try reversing your priorities for a change, beginning the day with lovemaking instead of ending it that way. If Saturday morning is the only time it’s feasible to linger abed, and you’ve got kids, try having a sitter come early Saturday morning; then lock the bedroom door, and don’t come out till you’re through.
Fantastic Foreplay
Ever notice how often the tastiest part of a fine meal is the appetizer? Often it’s enjoyed as much as, if not more than, the main course. This, in fact, is the way some sex experts prefer to look at foreplay. To them, even the word itself is mildly “If he stops objectionable, because it implies that all sexual and buys a touching is just a prelude to intercourse, which single may or may not be the case. To them, noncoital long-stemme sex play is a better term, because it includes d rose on everything, takes the pressure off everybody, and Tuesday, for doesn’t seem quite so desperately goal-oriented.
no particular
In The Ananga Ranga, an Indian sex
reason at all,
classic written in the fifteenth or sixteenth century,
he will
we learn that even royalty needs a little foreplay.
probably
This Muslim-era tome reminds readers what the
have fantastic
court physician said to Maria Theresa, Empress of
sex on
Austria: “Furthermore, I am of the opinion that the
Wednesday.“
sexual organs of your Most Sacred Majesty should be titillated for some length of time before coitus.” The same book gives this practical tip for accomplishing that: Make an “artificial elephant trunk’ by bringing together the first three fingers of either hand, and thus stimulate the woman. Whether you find yourself trumpeting like a bull elephant in the bedroom or your mate is pleading, “Ungawa, Tarzan!” the delectable rites of arousal-and wherever they lead-are wonderful and important, especially to a woman.
In one study, 709 female nurses were asked to rank the importance of 15 different things (such as fatigue, stress, and lack of tenderness) that interfered with their ability to reach orgasm. The women’s most common complaint, outranking all the others by a good margin, was that their partners did not spend enough time in foreplay. Men, overly focused on the “goal” (intercourse), tend to hurry through it all. They don’t slow down and take enough time to linger, to be playful, to explore, and to help their partners be satisfied.
How long is long enough? Well, only you and your partner can really tell for sure. But when these sexually experienced adult women were asked how long they’d prefer that their lovers indulge in foreplay, they replied (on average) about 17 minutes. That may seem like a long time, but the rewards of patience are rich. When Paul Gebliard, a collaborator of the late Dr. Alfred Kinsey, went back and reexamined the Kinsey group’s data, he found that only 7.7 percent of the women whose lovers spent 21 minutes or longer on foreplay failed to reach orgasm.
Following are some tips for setting off fireworks through foreplay.
Understand the differences when turning up the heat. “A man’s sexual responses are like a lightbulb: You turn it on, and it goes from cold to hot almost instantly. When you turn it off, it cools down right away. But a woman’s responses are more like an iron: You turn it on, then wait and wait and wait until it heats up; and after you turn it off, you wait and wait and wait until it cools off, ” explains Jude Cotter, Ph.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in private practice in Farmington Hills, Michigan.
Foreplay is one way to smooth out the differences, slowing down the man a little, speeding up the woman a little, and meeting (let’s hope) somewhere in the middle. Technically speaking, there’s some interesting evidence that it’s not so much that women’s sexual responses are innately slower than men’s but that women require more foreplay because it’s harder for them to reach orgasm through intercourse.
Stay aware of her breathing. When she changes from normal breathing to a deep, relaxed pattern, she’s usually ready for intercourse. When she’s panting hot and heavy, she’s approaching orgasm. Start intercourse slowly; even if she appears eager, it will raise her anticipation and allow sensations to build.
Make foreplay last all day. “Always remember that good sex begins while your clothes are still on, ” say William Masters, M.D., and Virginia Johnson, of the Masters and Johnson Institute in St. Louis, and their collaborator Robert C. Kolodny, M.D. “Getting in the mood” is not just the few moments before sex; it can go on for hours, or days, beforehand. Since good sex is just one aspect of a good relationship, it’s sweetest when it grows naturally out of the time you spend together.
“One of the things that men don’t understand is that if a guy spends the afternoon with his partner, and they stop and get a sandwich, they joke and kid around, they laugh, they hug-to the woman, that’s foreplay, ” says Dr. Cotter. “Men want to know, ‘What’s the right technique for foreplay?’ Well, part of it is to go for a walk with her, spend some time with her, do things that are sensitive and kind. If he stops and buys a single long-stemmed rose on Tuesday, for no particular reason at all, he will probably have fantastic sex on Wednesday.”
Ask what feels good. When it comes to actually getting physical, men and women often make similar mistakes. From their own intimate observations, Masters and Johnson say that during foreplay both men and women tend to do things that they think would turn them on. For instance, many men stroke the shaft of the clitoris vigorously and rapidly, in imitation of the way men masturbate, or they plunge a finger deep into the vagina, even though many women find this unarousing or even uncomfortable. By contrast, one of men’s most common complaints is that women don’t grab the penis firmly enough; they treat the man’s genitals as gingerly as they do their own.
The answer? Communication. It doesn’t necessarily have to be verbal, but it’s important to let your partner know, in one way or another, what feels good and what doesn’t.
Set the stage. One final note on preliminaries: “Candlelight, ” advise David and Ellen Ramsdale, authors of Sexual Energy Ecstasy, “flatters the human body by making it look more fluid and smooth.” And removing your reading glasses has pretty much the same effect. Both at once is miraculous.
His & Her Hot Spots
Sex involves all the senses: sight, smell, hearing, taste, and, of course, the sense of touch. When you touch her skin, anywhere, do it as lightly as you possibly can, so lightly that there is almost air between your fingers and her skin. This can give her chills and be an erotic and tempting tease. When you move on to the heavier touching, this is where you want to be the expert on her parts and your parts and how to make all of these parts add up to unforgettable pleasure.
Her Body
Ask her to show you her “hot spots”: her G spot, her clitoris, etc. When you go in search of the magic button, it helps to have accurate directions. Otherwise, here’s a quick tour of the female body: When a woman is lying on her back, the lowest opening is the anus. Next up is the vagina, with labia on both sides. Above the vagina is a smaller opening called the urethra, where urine comes out, and above the urethra, maybe camouflaged by her pubic hair, is the clitoral hood. Inside this little cave is the clitoris. Another good way to find the clitoris is by touch. During sexual excitement the hood becomes puffier and larger, but the clitoris remains inside. Place your finger on top of the hood and press down gently, feeling for a shaft of rigid tissue, the clitoris.
Clitoris. The clitoris can become numb from the same kind of touch over and over again, so vary the touch from the top to either side. Encourage her to explain what feels good to her and to help you find different ways to touch her there. When you gently tease the clitoris as opposed to pressing firmly, she may end up trembling and shouting out loud. Also, try tracing the alphabet with your tongue-we bet she doesn’t make it past N or 0!
When she’s
fresh from
the bath and
Or you can try the Venus Butterfly,
lounging
wherein you repeatedly suck your lover’s clitoris
around in
into your mouth, then expel it rapidly (two to three
that silky
times per second). Because the clitoris is so
robe, try
sensitive, this is very intense for most women, and
nibbling or
it may be best if you alternate 10 to 15 seconds of
sucking her
this motion with 10 to 15 seconds of left-toright
toes while
and up-and-down tongue flicks, as well as an
tracing
occasional figure-8 tracing of the clitoris. If it still
circles on the
seems too intense for her, pause to slowly lick the
arch of her
length of her labia. Ask her to tell you what works
foot....
the best.
The results
Sometimes she may prefer to use her own
may surprise
hand on her clitoris while you’re busy somewhere
you both.
else. You’ll never know unless you ask her.
Women enjoy masturbation as much as men do, and they’re experts on how and where to touch their bodies. Incidentally, just before orgasm, the clitoris momentarily seems to shrink out of sight. This can confuse men, who think it’s a sign of a sexual turnoff when it’s actually a sign of intense arousal because the hood of the clitoris is becoming engorged with blood.
Labia minora. The inner lips of the genitals are richly supplied with nerves, especially on their secret, inner sides. In Dr. Kinsey’s famous studies of female hot spots, 98 percent of the women could feel a touch on either the inner or the outer side of the lips. “As sources of erotic arousal, ” he observed, “the labia minora seem to be fully as important as the clitoris.” The labia majora-the fleshy outer lips-seem to be considerably less sensually sensitive.
Entrance of the vagina. This is a definite pleasure zone. Most women find the so-called vestibule of the vagina (the funnel-shaped area between the inner lips, just above and outside the vaginal opening), as well as the first inch and a half of its interior, to be the sweetest of spots. That’s because these areas are richly supplied with nerve endings. Interestingly enough, the deep inner walls of the vagina seem numb by comparison.
PLEASURE SPOTS FOR BOTH
According to ancient Chinese erotic texts, both men and women have certain “acupoints, ” or spots that when stimulated cause immediate sexual arousal, boost sexual stamina, and recharge the autonomic nervous system that controls sexual sensations and functions.
The “Cinnabar field” was what the Chinese called a line of seven points from the navel to the front of the pubic bone just above the genitals. Imagine a line between these two points, with five additional points about equally spaced between them. Press each for 3 to 5 seconds, then press again.
There are also two pleasure points located along the crease between the abdomen and thighs. Here are a few more that seem pleasurable to both men and women.
Perineum. The area between the anus and the base of the scrotum in men, or the anus and the vaginal opening in women (the place you’d make contact with if you straddled a fence post), is highly sensitive to touch. This rather secretive spot can be reached by direct pressure with a finger, through the rectum or (in women) by deep penetration of the vagina.
Earlobes. The earlobes are loaded with blood vessels and nerve endings. Gently stroking the outer earlobe with a fingertip or administering light tongue caresses can be quite a turn-on. Soft, warm breaths (as long as you don’t blow too hard) may also do the trick.
More to consider. The thin skin on the inner surface of the thigh is richly endowed with nerves, and in some people stimulation of this area makes for an especially arousing adventure. Other erogenous zones include the throat, the armpits, the anus, the navel, the abdomen, the toes, and who knows what else?
You get the idea. There are likely dozens of erotic zones all over her body and yours. The fun part is exploring, nuzzling, kissing, and caressing your way around until you identify every last one of them.
The “G spot.” Modern researchers point out, though, that some women are wildly responsive to deep pressure (not light strokes) applied to the roof of the vagina, several inches inside the opening-an area that’s come to be called the “G spot.”
Not all women believe they have a G spot. To help her find hers, have her lie down on her back. Insert one or two fingers into her vagina with your palm facing the ceiling. Slightly bend your fingers and feel along the ribbed walls of her vagina. Somewhere between her bladder and her pelvis there should be a sort of roundish-shaped sensitive area. The odd thing is that when you touch this area, she may feel an urge to urinate, but most likely she won’t. This sensation passes, and the feeling then becomes pleasurable.
On the other hand, don’t keep touching or rubbing if it is not feeling good to her. She doesn’t have to like it. There is nothing to prove in good sex, just endless possibilities for enjoyment. If the G spot doesn’t work for her, then move on.
Breasts. The breasts and nipples receive mixed reviews. Many women respond to erotic attentions to the breasts and nipples, but an equal number find that being stimulated in these areas either does not lead to arousal or even makes them uncomfortable. Studies have shown that although 90 percent of women say their partners like to kiss or stroke their breasts during sex, only about 50 percent actually enjoy it. During certain times of her menstrual cycle her breasts may be especially tender or sensitive. Encourage her to let you know what feels good and what doesn’t.
Fingers and toes. With all the attention on the clitoris and the G spot, men tend to forget all the other delicious areas of a woman’s body. Fingers and toes can be very erogenous areas. When she’s fresh from the bath and lounging around in that silky robe, try nibbling or sucking her toes while tracing circles on the arch of her foot. Or you can stroke and nibble on her soft fingertips while gazing into her eyes. The results may surprise both of you.
A few others to feel out. Behind her knee is a much-neglected erotic area with soft, thin, sensitive skin that you can kiss or gently caress. At the base of the spine, just above the crease of the buttocks, there is a small triangle called the sacrum that has been called the “Bermuda Triangle of lust”; massage this area with your thumb. Soft kisses at the small of the neck may get big results, as well.
His Body
We may think of the penis as an expandable, flexible rod, but it’s really wishbone-shaped. We see only the shaft portion that hangs outside the body. The remainder is inside the abdomen, where it splits into a Y and anchors the penis behind the pubic bone. In the shaft of the penis are three chambers. The smaller one, on the underside of the shaft, houses the urethra (the bladder’s “drainpipe”), and the other two are side-by-side erectile chambers of spongy tissue that fill with blood and expand during an erection.
The main impetus for an erection occurs in the organ between your ears-that is, your brain. If the mind likes what it’s seeing, thinking, feeling, or dreaming, the penis stands at attention. If the mind is distracted, irritated, or discouraged, the penis deflates. Boredom, problems in the relationship, job stress-all of these things can play havoc with your ability to rise to the occasion. Sooner or later, every guy will have a problem getting or keeping an erection. Best thing is not to worry about it. just relax and enjoy the cuddling and other intimacies, and it probably won’t happen again. If the problem persists or becomes worse, it may be medical, and you should see your doctor.
Although most guys in the locker room brag and joke, penis size is not the key to sexual pleasure. Average length of an erect penis is 5 3/8 inches, and about three-quarters of them range from 4 5/8 to 6 1/4 inches. Women, for the most part, couldn’t care less about penis size. But there are a few hot spots on your penis (no matter what the length) and the rest of your body that you could ask her to pay attention to.
Penis. The frenulum (the area underneath and just behind the glans, or the head of the penis) is usually the most sensitive spot. The rim of the glans, sometimes called the coronal ridge, is also highly sensitive. The shaft of the penis and the skin of the scrotum (the sac containing the testicles) are less sensitive than these other spots.
Testicles. Don’t forget this body part. Testicular massage can boost your sexual energy, and it’s believed to help the body produce testosterone. You can either do this yourself or show your partner how it’s done. Firmly but gently roll the testicles between the thumb and fingers of each hand, then hold your penis and scrotum with your thumb and forefinger and lightly pull them forward while tightening your pelvic muscles.
Chest. Most men (and women) feel a little funny about the man’s breasts and nipples being stimulated during sex play, but lots of men are sensitive there. In fact, Dr. Kinsey reported that there may be as many males as there are females whose breasts are distinctly sensitive.
Prostate gland. That pleasant tingling sensation you feel deep inside your crotch during sexual excitement is your prostate gland humming a love song. Most guys pay no attention to the prostate gland until there is a problem or disease, but this is a very sensitive erotic spot. This nerve-rich organ, sometimes known as the male G spot, tingles as it secretes fluid during arousal and ejaculation . Gay men have long known that stimulating the prostate increases sexual pleasure, and the gland gets quite a workout during male anal sex. You can have your partner massage your prostate by pressing firmly on the perineum (the skin between the anus and the base of the scrotum) or sliding a lubricated finger into your anus to stroke the prostate.
The Art of Massage
Even people who love each other and have been happily married for years tend to forget 95 percent of the vast and varied vocabulary of touch. After a few years of marriage, the way we touch each other tends to be reduced to one of two things: We touch each other in a completely Massage is a sexless, perfunctory way (a peck on the cheek, a way of pat on the back) or in a way that is as sexual as exploring the you can get. Often, when a man touches his wife forgotten at all, it’s basically a way of asking a question: frontiers of Do you want to have sex? First comes the touch, your partner’s then the kiss, then a fast-forward to orgasm. body and in
the process
Even when we get sexual, the places
vastly
where we touch each other tend to be limited to a
expanding
few square inches of skin the dimensions of an
your
airmail envelope. Whole kingdoms of the body,
repertoire of
and of sensuous pleasure, go unnoticed. “It’s
touch.
entirely possible that a woman who’s been married for years has never been touched behind the knee, or between the toes, by another adult since childhood, ” says Gordon Inkeles, bestselling author of The Art of Sensual Massage, The New Massage, and other books. Our whole culture seems to be so starved for touch that sometimes people will have sex when all they really want is to feel the delicious warmth of skin against skin.
Massage as Sex-Enhancer
But all is not lost. You and your lover can learn the exquisite pleasures of touch and rediscover each other in the process.
It’s called massage.
Don’t be intimidated by that word. There are forms of massage that require lots of training, and maybe even a few courses in human physiology, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re simply